Well, No one really knows how I feel inside. Im always depressed but I try not to show it. I think of bad things to do to myself, I bite my arm when Im sad or I draw depressing pictures.Im always being disrespected by everyone irl. No one gives two shits about how I feel, most likely.I was probably a mistake or some shit. My mom always yells at me, my big bro and sis treat me like a fucking animal, they simply treat me like shit. My friends at school,They often fight and stuff or they forget that Im even at school.Am I that unnoticed?! All I ever wanted was for someone to just be nice to me...Im nice to everyone in the whole fucking world even if they are bad people. I try my best to be nice.No one sees that I have a kind heart because no probably knows I existed.I have many talents,I can write from an animals point of view as if I AM the animal, I can draw well and I write tremendous stories. BUT no one notices it.And at school,people get mad or extremely surprised when I get an answer or something wrong. Like What the fuck!? Im not perfect and I don't want to be perfect. Im afraid to show my friends the things I like because they'll make fun of me. Its just how they are..I wish someone can see how I feel..I had to see horrible things at a young age...My parents fought...alot..The fights were just crazy...I always used to hide in my closet afraid that if i'd tried to break the fight up,they'll get mad and try to kill me or something... Im sure that Im not normal..I think I have ADHD or im bipolar..im pretty sure I have some kind of disorder,probably one worse..I don't like the way I look,Im not like other kids...Im smart and all but my behaviors aren't normal..I can't stand in a line, I always run into walls, Im clusmy..I like eating plain salt and I starve myself alot. I try to hurt myself but idk how to.I have sudden mood changes and I say stupid ass things to get attention because...I really don't get any attention...Im not noticed..I can't make friends easily irl because im afraid they'll touture me...I have low self-esteem...Im sensitve..weird..and plainly unordinary. My stress level is probably over the charts.Im not sure. And this is coming from someone who hasn't even expirenced life yet. Its not any of you guy's faults... I just don't like people I have to deal with,socially everyday... Im sorry for this stupid journal... i-im just depressed...all emotional right now.. i just want my stupid life to be happy for once...
this is barely different than how i vent as a 23 yr old. shitty grammar and all. LOL.