i like to do archives like this since my memory is pretty bad & so people online cant say "hey u lie" like no. i am open for the better or worse
So my digitial art career began on Flipnote and Flipnote Hatena at around age 8. It was my first introduction to animating on my own after I watched my big sister animate two stickfigures kill eachother, and then I wanted to draw on my Mom's DSi too and try to make something similar with Pachirisu. Most of my time using Flipnote Hatena was me replicating behaviors of what I saw my peers doing (star begging, making animated series, doing spinoffs). I already was someone who'd make OCs (some based on toys/plushies, others from pokemon games), so now I was just able to animate all of them. Lots of my stuff was edgy. It was basically playing with my toys but through animation now, so I made a couple of fucked up stories surrounding OCs.I actually made my first internet friend on Hatena who I ended up keeping up with until late highschool. I hope shes still doing amazing. The only thing that stopped my use of Hatena prior to its closing was the DSi screen breaking or us losing internet. By the time I had a new DSi to draw with, Hatena got closed down and I'd already graduated to using UDraw, a 3DS and DeviantART.
From what I recall, I learned about DeviantART through my friend on Hatena as it allowed us to keep in touch. It worked in my favor because now I had somewhere to upload my art I'd draw with my UDraw Pad, Inchworm Animation on the 3DS and other forms of mediums. My first account was Pachigirl48. At this point of my digital age, I wasn't really influenced by anything specific except the mediums I consumed and all the roleplays I was doing at the time. Having to access DeviantART via my first laptop also led to me exploring to web to its full extent than what I'd do at our public library (which was spent playing flash games). I found out about online Pokemon roleplays and joined roleplay IRCs, started to use Youtube to post speedpaints, vlogs and toy adventures and more. A chaotic kid with unsupervised internet access. Yeahhh, nostlagia makes this time seem the sweetest because it was in the way I was generally happy go lucky. There was things occuring that weren't great. Going through files led to finding a couple of documents showing first signs of how i should have got some help or pulled aside in class. Eventually I started to get deeper into Deviantart communities after losing interest in IRC roleplay, repeatedly getting caught and banned off deviantART for being under 13 and ultimately wanting to really just draw and hone my skill and join stuff that felt more up my alley. My baby online era ended after I got banned from FuzzyRisu if I recall correctly as I transitioned to being ThatWeirdWolf0.
Note that this era occurs during the peak of teenagerhood.....2014 - 2019 was the time I was 13 to 18 years old. I sucked. And it makes me cringe on how bad I sucked. I think teenagerhood sucks but to have forced strangers to witness it too, I need to apologize for that.
My first account I got socially serious about art on was ThatWeirdWolf0. The same time of having this account, I'd also had joined Furaffinity for the first time and I'm pretty sure I got my first tablet around this time too. The start of TWW0 was like FuzzyRisu, and then the closed species boom began and that started to influence my work and me wanting to get in on the whole thing because MONNEEYYY. And at the time of being hella poor middle schooler, hell yeah lemme get 500 points and feel like im ballin'. I went through a couple name changes during this era after I started to get something going for myself. My style changed to be more gritty at this time and honestly I think it's the ugliest shit and it's hard to look back on this stuff. It was really an awkward stage of my life. It's crazy how I went from Pokemon esque cuteness to....uh, this stuff. I guess that comes with learning new programs and wanting to try all the tools. I wanted to be like people I looked up to, my senpai's (which most of them i harrassed not on purpose but poor social understanding and belief they hated me). After TWW0, I think I turned into pizza-okami (the cool guy), and then I moved to iced-cyote --> draqonpaws. I'd become a certified Furry at this point. Early dA was lousy in the way it was a lot of middle schoolers beefing with eachother over unimportant shit or oversharing to eachother. I remember all the cringe suicidal journals I'd make. I contributed to a era of teens tramuatizing eachother and I don't know how much more I can apologize and try to repent for it. It's so embarrassing when I look back on it and I wish someone hit me upside my head and took away my laptop. Like there was a time I did get in trouble for venting online, but it was because I said I was pansexual and I had to go to church and sunday school which is obviously been ineffective.
My time between r-ea / pizza-rea / pizzareas was some of the worst rea behavior online from what I remember. Like my unwell behavior was evident on earlier accounts now it was on full view because I had a lot of people who did view me with respect (why?????). My art was atleast cuter...? Lol. But I was personally a shithead for reasons that have many explanation and flags showing Yeah something was up but don't exscuse my annoying behaviors which being online and expected of stuff helped. I pretty sure i had a LOT of nsfw accounts at this time around being 15/16. This was just the build up to my time on Kyrisuz, and partime on demonteeth where I was Unhinged and got a following thanks to my animations (gg...g.ggrllls. meme My curse). Genuine apology for those who witnessed kyrisuz have its little kyrisuzing moments in their inboxes. Um, it wasn't a good time and progressively worsened the more i felt pressured which jumpstarted my neurotic behavior and eventual psychotic episode. Like I was dealing with both school issues (low income high honors student feeling shame/guilt and isolation from peers and needing to go to college to prove family and community wrong and prove peers wrong and ect) and online issues (people saying they like my work while feeling guilt/shame for getting supportand like i cannot move a muscle without possible punishment, shame or be punching bag if i spoke up for myself). I wouldn't wish it on anyone because I'm still messed up from all of that. i would have rather been nothing during this period just so stuff didnt feel so....unable to move past it or not feel guilt to this day. like i would havw went homeless if i knew the emotional/mental baggage would still be bogging me down jsut from getting financial support or peer support. Maybe one day I will be able to look back and feel grateful for the good (like people were kind and supported me) but this is just a hard time to look back on, not out of hiding from my own mistakes (which there are plenty) but because i was seriously unwell, and i could not keep up with an image that people build into me and like. i wish i just got sent to inpatient to properly get help. honestly fuck this entire time period the times i still try to kill myself this stuff usually jumpstarts the reason to do so.
Anyways after finally dipping quietly from the name Kyrisuz to try to get freed from shackles, I stayed on the low (i did not stay on the low i was more unhinged elsewhere now as a certified adult who could post PUSSY IN BIO) and just used toyhouse and so many different twitter accounts which each got deleted within 3 months because I'd start to feel like I was gonna be struck by god and killed by mutuals for being now publicly too weird and unusual. some names i kinda remember going by: sleepylopunny, bunearys, twigbranch, xxra1c1-1uxx, nostalgicpuppy, and possibly more. i went from kyrisuz to rea on toyhouse until it got closed down by staff because id started to post on inkbunny in late 2022 i think? either later 2022 or early 2023. whenever i threw up my hands and said "fuck this shit i hate everyone tbh and im going to be weird since im so weird and killable by definiton anyways!" anyways yeah our twitter accounts were usually nsfw centric or private vent accounts id overshare so much on. and then id delete them. and then id make a new one, wash rinse repeat until i Finally got free of the twitter shackles once they introduced the views feature. all it took was reminderr that im percieved xD
though, my time on twitter is what made me stop caring about what i draw because i would not be able to escape discourse no matter where you are in ANY community. even the super niche specific ones still would have discourse. and alot of takes werent really....balanced or reasonable???? id sit back and go "tnhats fucking stupid and hypocritical theyre doing the same stuff theyre bitching about, just in a different shade of orange". but it did atleast help me realize i do not give a fuck and atleast be chill with those themes and learn to accept these parts of me because people would bitch about it anyways. like whether i was a feral artist, purely sfw babyfur or drawing fucked up furry art of abuse, people were gonna still accuse me of being on the same level to who preyed on me or are in actual jails. even if i CLEARLY mark the work saying "hey, this is triggering and i dont support the actions! its narrative!", if its uncomfortable and causes that knee jerk reaction, then i am irredemable. (shrugs). i realized i was a system around this time and was pissed at first but eventually we decided to work together instead of keep fighting it. i used tumblr for not very long for objectum and system reasons before again, discourse drove me away and made me swear it off. from what i recall inkbunny became main place of posting? and then i used mastadon for like, a few months, found a rabbit whole which ultimately led to me not wanting to touch mastadon ever again or much of any socmeds since its just same shit different skin/ui and crowds. people will people. and at that point id seen the worse of the worst from both sides of the internet. i learned that yeahhh im not built for online community spaces. im not built for much of what the internet is, and thats something im open to admit because aint no way fucking internet should be why im dumbass attempts suicide
now, i mostly use neocities, furaffinity, and inkbunny. i like to code and flourish in being a wanderer. i am Attempting (key word, attempting) to venture out to other sites again but when i do im quickly reminded of why i opted out for the first place if they rely alot on censoring subjects. my main usernames i go by are mimisrol and pachigirl48forever. i draw "normal" art. i draw freaky fetish shit i go nuts for. and i draw stuff that people would beat me with sticks over because they cant read a description or realize people can draw stuff they wouldnt do. while i do go through periods of "i wish i was normaler", looking back reminds me i really never was and alot of things existed as illusion, so yeahhh. im alot happier not having artistric restraints and realizing fundamental flaws of how people reason online. so im doing my own thing to the best abilities and just trying to get my physical and mental health on track :D