Doodle Diary

feb 22 2025 - going good going good

we've finally made fursonas ACTUAL seperate ones that arent related to any plot so we can have loose silly fun when writing/drawing them. im still a bit annoyed about having to detatch from Furrealife but hey its for the best. our personal sonas honestly are cuter and more represenative of ourselves, and we actually rlly love them they are so cute LOL. alongside this, im gonna do more crossover sheninigans with my persona. atm its just making ref sheets to keep art consistent later in the game

honestly comign to realization how our rendering style changes / inconsisent is a little annoying so now we're taking approaches to make ref sheets for any characters we do draw for more than once to maintain consistency. maybe a bit overkill but its a real struggle with a lot of us drawing....when i say we're an art studio, i wish i was fucking joking. but hey, its kinda cool doing this haha.

style emulation is fun and is been whats teaching me to be more mindful abt my linework and such tbh, and overall its so fun to capture styles that are eye candy to me!! so im having fun doing this and feels good to see how the new notes/skills gained from doing so translate into my other art.

motivation and focus is constantly going for a spin, so like i mentiomned last entry (im not rereading dat shit so if this wasnt said, then hi), we're gonna try to make a proper schedule like a work one. otherwise we're gonna lag on so much shit that can be done lol

ive skipped so much school lately just out of not really caring? for it. moreso not wanting to deal with people and not seeing the point in going. i hate ive fallen back into this mid semester but i think financial stuff is what rlly made me go "fuck all of this". lecture time has been put into working on commissions. if im seen as a lazy student, so be it. trying to care about how it looks to others that dont know the situation is a waste of time and energy i can put into art (which if i harness it and keep my head in the game with can be what keeps me alive/going more than anything else).

i feel bad for not really putting time into animation or 3d stuff lately but its really been the art commisison grind bc of financial demands from college and a lot of unfourtunate stuff unfolding at once at a shit time. like its just really inconvient bad luck which i cant do a lot about except figure it out (story of my life). but hey im still doing stuff despite it :3 overall im just ready to walk the stage and this shit be over with. my future after i dont know, but i want art to be the most dominant part....ik i have to find a job and get one but god its such a fucking pain in the ass, i have no clue how shits considering how many rules and stuff is changing daily with (motions to news). so yeah. its like, let me just focus on what i do know and have some control over. the rest is just gonna happen and best to not be stressingf out too much over it anymore. certainty is a joke nowadays. the present is whats important. a bit of future plans sure, but overall...man its best to take it day by day for my sanity.

hello kitty rn is kinda a fixtation alongside chicory. playing games between art helps me stay motivated instead of crunching continuously! also my new approach of literally closing the commissionafter i get to a certain stage and returning to it with fresh eyes. im catching mistakes before i send them out and its soooo much more feelings of it being successful/good. changing habits for the best, a lot happier as a result. with our new plan of scheduling how to balance different projects and work, im excited to bring 3d and animation into the mix while still bring in income :D

so, thats all for this entry. its early in the day, and im gonna get to work and do some classwork between it. i feel hopeful despite a lot of stuff im dealing with. art is really that anchor and light for me. i think a lot of accepting the social elements just not working for me relieves a lot of stuff that made me hate art.....like many other things, it is what it is and best to keep true and happy

feb 11 2025 - so many! thoughts!

today ive been doing a lot of organizing (when am i not doing this) for all my art projects and commissions ive gotta do. sketched a bit of em out, deciding which ones to tackle next, ect ect.

i want to make a proper schedule for myself to balance out my paid work and personal project pursuits. im so bad at this kind of management despite me being OBSESSED and really liking structure of this kind. well, loose strcuture. ish. structure helps me keep momentum, but i also can quickly get pissed off if its something i dont want to do at the moment/doesnt seem that important (ie. why i skip so much school).

im back absorbing LPS short films and whatnot, fucking obsessed. love 'em. reaffirming in a way. watching them is making me want to bring back making my toy comics. id love to do this again....i just look at all the "hurdles" and go "oooh this is too much work". its not too much work. im going about every project i do wanna do in the wrong way and waiting for the burst of energy that lasts 2 days to do it, then trash it if i didnt finish in those 2 days because it becomes "too much work". like...kinda what comes with a project, rea!

i havent finished anything....except commissions or classwork. and then that one toy comic. everything else has been forever WIPs and its like. guh. or if i do finish it, its in crusty states due to low motivation. i want to get somethin done and stay motivated...the way for me to do this...im not even sure how bc i never did it!

i need to just go through and see a project through and focus on just one at a time, i think. and one that ISNT open ended. well, i like open ended worlds, but atleast focus on a contained story for christs sake so i can actually get it done. and the thing is, i HAVE contained stories i can get visualized! i have SO many scripts and shit i can make seen through, but i get intimidated! guh.

well, i want to make Something that is considered finished even if it comes out subpar. just so i can get the ball rolling on finishing stuff. man, i want to just make stuff and not let a scrapped knee stop me.i want to keep moumentum :(

with that frustration outta the way...i can talk about art stuff i HAVE been doing and not just yappin with no action about!

my sketchbook i started at the beginning of the year for figure studies is nearly full! kinda fell off every now and then on consistency, but hey! i see improvement through it. feels good. i focused on gesture for the most part in em. i wanna do a flipthrough to archive here or via youtube once its all the way filled ^^

im also starting to study like, small things ive been upset ive been bullshitting. esp when it comes to implementing these things in paid work, i want to be better at em. so ive started to study backgrounds and try to solidify how i wanna go abt it. im taking an approach a lot of my favorite cartoons take now and i love it! bc it allows me to use a more painterly messy process that is less stressful. i throw mor colors down now instead of focusing on the linework being perfect. im thankful ive changed to this method now. (bonus: it makes my art even more cartoon / movie like in a way i like!). alongside backgrounds, im studying how to better render stuff that appears in commissions (clothes, diapers, liquids, hats, furiture). doing these studies does make me feel more happy once i implement it in a piece. for these studies, Obsiandan canvas and PureRef is to the rescue! and also, Krita and it's reference feature!

speaking of Krita...i'm basically making this my primary program again! LOL! i started to move back to Clip Studio for the vector art tool and 3d Models, but im realizing i much prefer the fuzzy linework and messyness given my handwork and style. its better for me to embrace my ways that make it what it is (thank you Chicory this game has been healing :3). im still gonna use clip studio, just more so as an assist to Krita. the same way Blender can be an assist to my art pursuits.

i think the only other thing i can think of in regards to projects i wanna do is messing around with Renpy again. visited glip's floraverse after god knows how long to see whats going on there, and the way they utilize Renpy for their VNs and EXACTLY how i wanna make my comics!!!! so im gonna try to figure out how to make my VNs in this format. i used to do this back with Cursedlock using Adobe Animate, so learning that Renpy can do it AND have save states..EEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Awwwesome.

theres a lot of ideas and stuff im excited about...a lot im working on....but the biggest thing that determines if ANYTHING gets done is me actually keeping the ball rolling. good lord, its the hardest part of all my artistic pursuits. i cant keep that flame lit once something sets me off. its so frustrating. so im gonna try some new systems to help me keep going and so i can FINALLy make a finished project. nothing too ambitious. something small. maybe just a oneshot similar to the toy comic. doing so in a format i already know.

i gotta have my small wins. small wins help. i learned this in psych class. Small wins! Small wins!

ill come back and journal about how stuffs going with whatever i decide. i gotta do some private journaling and gathering thoughts and setting up more stuff before i do anything, otherwise itll blow up LOL. super messy first entry, but thats how it be!