adventure diary

may 2nd 2025

it was my final final today, leafy was the homie for the day

i went to the art muesum to take advantage of free entry while i have my college id! ive been here a couple times but i still cant get enough of art yknow lol

ill talk more about art in my sketchbook entry, but man its like candy to stare intensly at the paintings up close to try to pick apart how they may have painted it and kinda envision the process.

muesum trip was cut a bit short because irl family shit. this has been miserable

obligatory bean pic lol

the final went alright, i was exhausted and over everything by the time it came around. traveled home and went to the plush pile to make the day go away

sleepy leafy after all the adventures. just the first of many this summer!

may 1st 2025

it was certainly a day

the morning was productive. i worked on commissions now that my PC is back. feelz good to be in the groove. i love krita

stuff with graduation has changed again, because i broke down and shit over the dress stuff. my dysphoria is out of the roof fucking with me. i can pick a outfit that has pants now, thank goodness.

pancake has been with me whenever ive gone to my bed. treaded here a couple of times to journal or just hug my buds. we played hello kitty island adventure together too

i feel like im being a massive pissbaby and ass right now because i legit am not handling anything well right now because its a lot of big stuff to me. and i feel so embarrassed and want to hide but i cant!!!!! its just....A time. its just a time right now LOLOLOL and im not being nice to myself, and i justt....i dont even know! it will pass! *sobs*

anyways i studied a bit for the final tomorrow. im in bed with pancake writing this. the white boy streamer of the night to protect me from stress nightmares is jerma. ill be outside a lot tomorrow (praying for bearable weather) and will suck in a lot of sunlight and bring a bud along so we can fight anxiety and do good on our final final together >:3 hoping to go to a muesum while i have my college benefits! today was embarrassing but tomorrow is a new day. im just sad scared frustrated all the motions. the climax to da chapter is whats going on

april 30th 2025

i hit the point of crisis where i went so far into it that it like shocked me back into being normal. its really funny how it happens for me and what i usually do to snap back. and sad. well, smeeps back bitch!

going outside every mornign to suck in the morning air is great. i need to take a proper walk one of these days and make it a regular thing after...i need fresh air.

my SSD arrived and immediately got it in and its workin'

i can say ive overcome the fear of playing around the inside of a PC. my family had me fuming by the time the SSD arrived so my rage allowed me to not give a shit and fix and clean the pc without thinking we'd break it. the power of being pissed off, it will let everyone else rest and let me do my job lol

felt really good to play hello kitty again :3 kimby was on standby and hanging out.

today was alright. my computer is back running and i did some cleaning up and whatnot. tomorrow ill start back on commission work and so on. friday will be my last academic final (woot woot) and soon the graduation bullshit will come and go

april 29th 2025

the weather was so good this morning. i wanted to talk a walk but i chickened out of following through. but i did stand around and take pictures of lycidas. yes, his name is lycidas too....is there any other lycidas you should know of? no, its just the absol and plushie lol

i spent all day coding and fixing up the site. got chicken tenders and fries for 1 cent. banger shit i love coupons

look at my idiot cat panini who keeps jumping into this box. hes silly and scares the shit out of me when i dont know hes in there

i spent like too long cenosring myself with this entry. lol. and i succeeded after 2 hours. tomorrow will be ok

april 28th 2025

i took the 3rd of all four finals today! honestly wasnt so bad. for as much info i missed, i think i did alright! 'slong as i stay around a B im fine with how it turns out. still so mad that there was one fucking question i spent like maybe 8 or so mins just trying to remember one fuckin word just to not write down the right one IT WAS SO EASY AND I MISSED IT LMFAO

anywayz, me and lycidas ate a salad by the water. it felt awesome today

my brother has seen through my bullshit when it comes to the graduation outfit. all i could do was bust out laughing. i have no words these days. i can barely get myself to type

my play desk is now put together. im so glad i didnt put my monitors over here. and i dont plan to always use my laptop here anyways unless its for like this (writing, coding). its just really cozy and with my lamp that gives a yellow light, it makes me think of my desk back from when we were like a tot. super happy to have this

april 27th 2025

slow day...well, not really? got 2/4 exams done with. tomorrow morning is the third. traded some furniture with my brother and now my room is different.

originally i had one big ass table. now ive seperated digital work from traditional art and writing stuff. the play area has to be organized quite a bit because a big part of it is making everything we need to use more very In Our Face. ill take pics when its organized

taking the rest of the day easy, feeling pretty roughed up and tired. tomorrow will be nice weather. a plush pal will travel with me to the final! itll likely be lycidas

april 26th 2025

i started the day with a salad which was really tasty! with the weather warming up, salads are attracting me once more, lol. i really love them. salads and turkey sandwiches.....here is to a summer full of them. halo and cheesecake were journey buddies today

i went shopping with my mom and sister for my graduation outfit. my mind was set on getting a button up, a wasitcoast or vest, some slacks, heels and a tie. i ended up with a dress as my piece. its the black dress to the left that i will wear. its buisness formal with a "sexy"" flare (shows a lot of skin tbh)

the rose corsette dress to the right i found very cute

my wardrobe has been neutrual or femme. i want to be more masc and the wardrobe be a nice half/half so i can have fun. i look forward to getting clothes i like

april 24th 2025

i sat outside for a bit with the squad to get fresh air. i did art today

it was okay today, i did ok. i ended the day with watching creature cases. this show is uuh interesting because like, theres so much ...i...i dont know what itd be considered. like i was mindboggled watching it because some of it just felt...like, bad? the show would work soOO much better if the cast weren't as anthro given how they write the characters and the comments the characters make about eachothers and species they interact with. IDK could just be me being sensitive lol it just really made me e_e when watching. ill probably finish watching it to see if it improves on this accord. so far its a pretty crap way of going about writing an anthro universe and presenting it to kids holy fuck

april 23rd 2025

another rough day. it started well, honoka came to class with me

i started to read another book (i have so many currently reading now) and its another thats pretty validating. it makes me want to pursue my dreams to be a researcher so i can advocate for what i wish was more understood, but i cannot exist in a world where my research could be used for harm

it got really bad quick. i cant remember if it was before or after this pic when i had a panic attack and blacked out a bit.

i left for home early once it did not calm. my entire body locked up and i couldnt breathe properly and everything hurt. it wouldnt end even after i got home, so i got high

first meal home was a premade potpie. vivian enjoyed it with me.

pancake came to give me some loving. fluffy baby

vivian joined the cuddle pile and watching videos too!

april 22nd 2025

wow, this day was hysterical. but you know who made it alright?

kimby!!!! he came to campus with me and kept me strong through the rough day. when i was freaking out holding in a meltdown in the bathroom, here was there comforting me. thank you kimby

april 21st 2025

today was kind of a mess. i was a mess. i socialized all of easter and pushed through 2 seperate panic situations, so i was already pretty run down when i woke up. i didnt give myself any grace.

but i ended up climbing out of the gunk! i did a coloring page to keep my hands busy and painted on myself, it was soothing!!

it doesnt feel like i really did a lot productive today due to sleeping through most of the day. i didnt do anything that like, looks like it was productive (like commissions, studying or cleaning) but i sat down and just let myself exist

me and bea implementing dbt skill we looked into today. funny thing is that this process of breaking down a situation is what we've kinda done through our nonguided journaling. but this is way more clear and accessible during the reflecting. doing things in steps really, really helps me. writing things down and seeing it in steps.

i dont know how to describe these clouds, but i love when its like this at night
- 🐇

april 19th 2025

started reading atomic habits by james clear! its a simple accessible read with practical advice and framing. happy that my brother lent it to me.

two caterpillars in da grass

april 18th 2025

silly day with the boyyyysss :3

i played with LPS and it was fun. recorded a little bit of it...man i need to do it more

april 15th 2025

it was a rough day mentally and we didnt have class. al sewed Kimberly a support vest because i keep looking at kids ESSA plushies on pinterest and i want our friends to have cute vests and gear for when we go on more journeys. there is a general health aid indictator and then a teal ribbon for our various difficulties

kimby is also able to hold our little flash/note cards ar1 made for us in hopes when we are home and kimby is near we remember to look at the cards during episodes. al will have to adjust this a bit but not right now