Content warning: Bullying, homophobia, verbal abuse, physical abuse
The closet scene is absolute cinema. also when i said its a proudct of its time, harry potter being mentioned is part of what i mean LOL
Word Count 6,407
12 November 2004
Lucas stared out the window quietly as his mother turned on the car, shifting in her seat as she put on her seatbelt. Lucas glanced over before doing the same, his eyes heading back out the window as he held a wrapped box close to his chest.
It’d been so long since he had last seen Kayden. He called him on the phone almost every day after school to tell him about what happened throughout the day and his video games and to check up on him, but that was about it. It was so much different than actually seeing him in person since Kayden wasn’t much of a talker on the phone. He’d just listen and laugh every few sentences or stutter something out in reply.
The last time he met his eye was when he left the hospital. He had begged his mother to stop by his room to say goodbye since he’d be stuck in there for a long time, and after some convincing, his mother allowed him to.
The second he stepped foot into the room, Kayden sat up in his bed and let out a weak noise, a mixture of joy and fear. It scared the shit out of Lucas.
He looked so much cleaner in the hospital bed, if Lucas ignored the fact the number of things hooked up to him. It seemed like they finally washed his hair and got it out of his face, and bandaged up majority of the cuts and scratches he had and fed him real food. The sight of his friend caused his heart to tense up and left his eyes watering.
He looked like a corpse the last time he saw him.
“Hi Kayden.” He whispered, still holding his mother’s hand. Every ounce of him wanted to run over and hug the boy, but he was afraid Kayden would freak out. The two of them never really got back on good terms after all of that.
Kayden stared him dead in the eye before squeaking, lifting his hands up, wiggling his fingers, signaling a hug.
Oh.
He doesn’t hate me?
Lucas took the offer immediately, letting go of his mother’s palm before rushing over to him, stumbling slightly as he stepped up to reach Kayden. The two of them wrapped each others hands around one another and remained that way for a decent amount of time before letting go.
“I-I’m glad you’re alright.” Lucas blinked away his tears as he let his hands fall to his side. “I thought you weren’t gonna come back.”
Kayden nodded, smiling weakly before patting on the side of the bed.
“You want me to sit?”
Kayden nodded again, much quicker than before.
“Mom, is that okay?”
“Yes, hun. I’ll be in the hallway.” His mother smiled at him softly before heading out the room, closing the door gently. It must have released a lot of stress of Kayden shoulder’s considering he let out a hefty sigh.
Lucas climbed up and sat, holding his legs close to his chest as Kayden readjusted against his pillows, shifting the tubes of the IV so they weren’t in his way.
“They took Cheren away, so he can’t hurt you anymore. He’s in jail, so he’ll probably get beat up alot, they’ll probably rape him like he did to us. And Dean is probably gonna be sent there too for being a bitch.” Lucas mumbled quietly, swinging his legs back and forth. Kayden remained silent before nodding.
“I have to go home soon, since they see I’m okay. How long do you have to stay here?”
The boy looked at him and shrugged, fiddling with the hem of the blanket.
“Are you still really sick?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
Kayden shrugged sheepishly, shaking his head before looking out the hospital’s windows. A couple of white birds fluttered by as the two of them sat in silence.
“T-T-The nurses are really nice. They let me watch all the TV I want.”
“Yeah, they’re pretty cool.”
“They said they’ll let me see a puppy named Beans.”
“Really? That’s cool. I didn’t get to see the dog.”
“I have to s-s-stay for a while.”
“...Oh, yeah.”
Kayden sat back against the pillows, staring off into the distance.
“They have to find me a f-f-family.”
“...you don’t have a dad?”
He nodded before looking Lucas deep in the eye. Lucas looked back, growing apprehensive. Many of his mannerisms were so much likeso of Cheren’s which never failed to cause him to grow uncomfortable.
“He’s worse than Cheren.”
“Oh.”
“It’s o-okay. They said with a n-new family, th-they’ll help me get better since m-my dad is bad and my mom is dead.”
“That’s good.”
Kayden nodded before squeaking and sitting up again. Shaking his hands slightly as he tried to form his words, he managed to get it out.
“I found out! My age! I asked the nu-nurse.”
“Oh, oh that’s cool! How old are you?”
“I’m 17 right now.”
Lucas stared at his friend before staring down at the floor. He squinted hard before looking back at Kayden.
“...seriously?”
He nodded quickly, his face turning red by the second.
“Oh man. That’s…really weird...at least you would’ve been old enough to be a dad if Nat didn’t die.”
Kayden nodded again, looking away sadly.
“I do-don’t think I would’ve been g-good at it.”
“You’re really nice, though. You would’ve been fine.”
The two went silent once more, allowing the quiet beeping and noises which filled the halls to fill the room.
“Th-They said it m-might be hard for me to find a family, since I’m old. And I-I don’t know a lot of stuff.”
“Oh…”
“But, t-th-there’s a really nice nurse who said if no one will take me, she’ll a-adopt me because she doesn’t have any kids. She s-said I’m very sweet.”
“That’s...really good. I was going to ask my mom if she could take you home with me, but you’re still sick and a nurse might take you instead, which is way better since my mom is sick a lot, so maybe we can like, go to each other's houses and stuff when youre better?”
Kayden looked at him and smiled, nodding. “T-That’d be fun! I still h-have to make sure...the nurse will take me. She has to talk to people about it. Since, I’ve been lost for s-so long.”
“Yeah.”
The two of them went silent again before Akira creaked the door open, poking her head inside.
“Hun?”
Lucas looked over, squeaking.
“We have to head out soon.”
“Okay, I’m coming. I gotta go, Kayden. I’ll have to call you or something.”
Kayden stared at him and nodded, his eyes twinkling as he hopped off the bed. Lucas waved goodbye as he headed toward the door, leaving his friend in the bed, watching him.
“I’ll come visit again, okay?”
“Okay.”
And here they sat in the car, heading toward the hospital to see his friend for the last time.
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“Is this the right room?” Lucas glanced down the doors of the corridor, spinning to observe the rest of his surroundings. His mother lagged behind a bit before catching up, considering Lucas did pretty much run down the hall to get to the room.
“Yes. Knock before you go in, okay!”
“Okay!” Lucas huffed, holding the box close to his chest before lifting his hand to the door. From the other side, he could hear Kayden frustrated groans as a nurse spoke to him, causing him to hesitate.
...Is this a bad time?
He shook the thought away and knocked on the door, listening as the room fell silent before hearing Kayden’s voice once more.
“Come in!”
Lucas opened the door to see Kayden sitting at the edge of the bed, leaning his elbow onto his knee as a nurse turned to look at Lucas. He had on a green jacket and a pair of slick jeans, his hair tied back out of his face into a ponytail with a scowl. Lucas looked away, squinting.
All Kayden needed was a pair of red glasses and he’d be Cheren 2.0.
Shut up.
He’s nothing like him.
“Hi Kayden.” He mumbled, gripping the box harder as his mom approached the room, stepping in behind Lucas.
“Hey Lucas. Hi Mrs. Alexander.” Kayden lifted his head and waved to the two of them, smiling at their presence. Lucas sighed in relief to see his expression change.
“Oh, did we catch you in time before you left?”
Kayden nodded as the nurse peeled off the several bandages still covering his body before excusing herself out the room. “They’re get-getting me ready to go now. I just have to wa-wait for Emma to come pick me up, since she wanted to make sure everything’s packed up.”
“Oh, that’s a relief to hear. Kayden, I’m really happy for you. You look really healthy by the way.”
“Ye-Yeah. Thank you. Everyone is saying they di-didn’t expect me to recover this fast. A-At least not my body.”
Lucas stared at Kayden as he spoke to Akira, slowly inching across the room toward his bed. It was weird to hear him speaking more, especially in a more confident manner. It warmed him to see that his friend was improving and would finally be getting the life and love he deserved.
It just sucked because he’d be leaving to move across the entire country.
Kayden noticed Lucas’s quiet wadling and looked to him, beaming sheepishly before tilting his head. Lucas looked at him and glanced away, holding out the box.
“I...I put this together for you. For when you leave, you know.”
“Oh, oh! Oh, th-thank you!” Kayden accepted the present and opened it, revealing a variety of items in the bottom of it.
“Uh, it’s one of my favorite books in there, and a couple of my Naruto mangas. And a game. And some drawings I made...and my old watch. And my old possum plush. I know you said you liked them a lot, so I figured it’d be cool if I just gave it to you, since...I don’t really mess with it anymore.” Lucas muttered quietly, leaning against the wall as Kayden searched through the box, squeaking at the items.
“He wouldn't sit still until I wrapped the box up for you.” Akira added in, letting out a chuckle as Lucas felt himself grow embarrassed.
“I...Thank you Lucas.”
“Yeah. It’s cool. I thought you might want something since you don’t have a lot to take with you.”
“Y-Yeah. This is really nice. Um...Um...Oh. Oh I don’t have anything to give you, I’m sorry. I…”
“Oh, Kayden it’s cool. Don’t worry about it.”
He looked to Lucas, his eyes widening anxiously. “Are you su-sure?”
“Yeah.”
Kayden squeaked before standing up and giving Lucas a hug. Lucas stood there, lightly resting his head on his friend’s shoulder with a sigh.
Last hug, huh.
Lucas wrapped his arms around him, tightening the grip.
Please don’t go. I don’t have any other friends. I don’t have anyone else. Please don’t go. Please don’t let g-
He felt Kayden’s hand lift off his back as the door opened once more. Lucas looked up and met the face of a younger woman with blonde hair and bright eyes, seemingly flustered as she let out a breath.
“I-I’m so sorry, buddy! I’m here now. We got everything from the house packed into the car, so we can finally go. Oh, hi! You must be Akira, right? And that must be Lucas!”
His heart crumbled as watched Kayden stand up and timidly nod to the woman, walking toward her direction with a soft smile. The lady gave both him and Akira a hug before speaking amongst each other.
Lowering his head, he faced the wall, his head slightly tilted as he grumbled under his breath.
It wouldn’t be worth it to look back anymore.
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“Well, aren’t you glad we got there just in time, hun? We got to see him go off! I almost cried seeing how relieved Kayden was. And Emma seemed really nice. Apparently she specializes in the care that Kayden needs, so they’re a perfect match”
“Kayden only likes her because she looks like his old girlfriend.”
“Oh, Alex. Come on.” Akira chuckled, nudging her son softly. Lucas glanced over at her.
He wasn't kidding.
They were back in the car now, heading back home after grabbing McDonalds. Lucas stared out of the window, groggily taking spoonfuls of his McFlurry and stuffing them in his mouth. His mother bought without hesitation after he quietly asked for it, which made him feel even worse considering if his father found out she caved in and bought him the treat, he’d throw a fit at the fact they were “wasting money”.
The radio hummed lightly as his mother continued to speak. Lucas couldn’t bring himself to focus on any of her words, nor the radio’s lyrics nor on the road or even the fact he was in the car. Everything felt terrible, leaving him squinting as he dazed off at nothing.
Now that Kayden was gone, he was stuck with Ariana and Barry, and unfortunately Nathan considering he was pretty much assigned as his tutor for class (the kid he got answers from, which came at a cost). None of the three were exactly ideal choices for a new best friend, but he had no other choice than to stick around with them since they were the only people who gave him the benefit of the doubt in some manner. None would be as understanding and relaxed as Kayden, but still.
Ariana knew him well but could never shut her damn mouth and give him space. Barry was too goofy and aggressive for his liking and would often make him scared due to doing things similar to Cheren and Nathan was simply a wad of shit who was obsessed with making him remember things he didn’t want to talk about and describe it, just to make everyone else think he was harassing him or trying to turn him gay. Closing his eyes, he felt his world sway beneath him.
This sucks.
This really fucking sucks.
His jaw quivered as he turned his face into the seat, taking in a shaky breath as he gripped his seat belt.
“Lucas, honey, are you okay?”
He shook his head, whimpering as more tears rushed to his eyes.
“M-Mom, why couldn’t we take Kayden?” His voiced cracked as he managed to get the words out.
Akira glanced over at him, her frown returning as she let out a sigh.
“Well, Kayden needed special care after what he went through. And we have so many things already we have to cover, so him going with Emma was the best decision out of all of them.”
“But it’s not fair.”
“It is fair, Alex. He’s going to get better so he can be able to do things just as everyone else can. Aren’t you happy for him?”
“...”
“Let me rephrase...Can you be happy for him?”
Lucas looked at his mother, tears trickling down his cheeks.
“I-I’m going to be alone.”
Akira looked down at him, seeing as he gradually burst into tears, sniffling and hiccuping into his hands. Her face softened as she placed her hand on his back, patting it before bringing his head close to her shoulder.
“It’s okay, hun. You’re not gonna be alone. You have me and your daddy, Ari, Barry, and you even have your friends at school.”
He shook his head, his sobs racking his entire body. He hated when he got like this.
“It’s gonna be alright. I promise.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Luuuuuucaaaaas! There you arrre!”
Lucas grumbled as Nathan slammed his fist into his back, causing him to drop his notebook on the ground as his other comadres surrounded him. Going to pick it up, Elijah snatched it up and held it over his head, leaving him to merely stare at the boys.
“Can I get my book?”
“Nope. Nathan wants to talk to you first before you run home like a bitch again.” Elijah snickered, shoving the battered book into his shirt. Rolling his eyes, Lucas looked to the freckled face boy who stood there with his hands on his hips.
“What do you want? I have to hurry so Ariana doesn’t come looking for me.”
“You walk home with her everyday?” Nathan tilted his head as a smirk grew on his face.
“Yes. I have to. So hurry up.”
The boys looked to one another before cackling amongst each other, setting Lucas on fire. He simply took in a deep breath and glared off into the distance.
“Calm down dude, I just wanted to invite you over to my birthday party. It’s this Friday.”
Lucas squinted as the boys around him grew quiet, almost as if they were just as shocked to hear Nathan offer the invite.
How stupid does he think I am?
“Sorry, but no thanks. I’m busy this Friday.”
Nathan frowned. “With what? Being a pussy?”
“Putting my dick in them, actually. Can I get my book back?”
“No. Say you’ll go to my party first. It’s only going to be a few people.”
“I’m not going.”
Nathan grabbed his arm, causing Lucas to flinch and shudder. Snatching it away, he furrowed his eyebrows as everyone stared at him.
“I don’t want to go.”
“We just want to hang out with you.”
“I’m not going.”
“Oh come on Nate, stop wastin’ your time on him. He doesn’t want to go. We don’t even want him there.” One of his friends groaned, not looking to Lucas. The others began whining and groaning too, obviously unamused at the fact they hadn’t ganged up on him to shove him around until he flipped out. “I gotta go catch the bus, dude. Come on.”
“You guys can go without me! I’ll meet you at the corner.” Nathan shooed his friends away with a single hand movement before turning back to Lucas, a wide smile plastered on his face.
“I won’t let anyone bother you if you come. We’re gonna have a shitload of food and my dad’s porn and my mom is going to leave me home alone since she trusts me and my brothers will be at their own party.”
“I don’t want to go to your party.”
“Why not? I’ve been being nice to you. Like, I’ve been doing your homework, dude. Come on. When me and Eli and the others mess with you, it’s not to hurt you. We’re just kiddin’ around!”
“I don’t care. Get out of my face.”
Nathan stared at him before looking away, obviously annoyed.
“I’ll just ask my mom to call yours and have her bring you anyways.”
“If she does, I’m going to fucking break everything in your house and kill you.”
“Sounds like a plan! I’ll see you there, okay?” Nathan smacked him on the back again before running off, leaving him there fuming.
In attempt to release his frustrations, he simply flapped his hands to his side before letting out a groan and stomping away. It was only seconds before he heard footsteps from behind approach him, which were obviously Ariana’s with the way she slapped her stupid feet against the ground.
“Hi Alex! Were those boys bothering you again?”
“No. Don’t talk to me right now.”
“O-Oh. Um...Okay. Oh, do you like my glasses? Everyone has said they looked silly but I though y-”
“They’re fucking huge and look stupid, now stop talking to me.”
Ariana grew silent and nodded, trailing behind him as the two of them walked out the school, off to meet Barry and head home.
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As Nathan said he would, he made his mother call Akira and invite him to the party. After being given a speech of why he should accept the invite from his father, punching the living shit out of his bed and screeching into his pillows, he left out of his room with his hoodie on and shoes tied, ready to be dropped off at the boy’s house. It seemed to please Akira to know he was actually leaving to spend time with kids his own age for once.
It’s not like anyone’s giving me a choice anyways.
The drive to Nathan’s house took a decent amount of time, but not long enough to let Lucas know Nathan lived far away from him, meaning he’d be forced to hang out with the boy after the day ended. The entire time in the passenger seat, he sat with a frown, scowling as he studied the passing cars.
“Lucas?” His mother interrupted his thoughts suddenly.
“Yeah?”
“If you need to call me, do it, okay? I’ll be at home with your father, so either one of us will be able to come and get you. Nate’s mom said the party is going to last until 10pm, but if you don’t think you’ll be able to last that long, just use the phone.”
“Okay.”
“Have fun and loosen up, alright? Nathan seems like a nice boy. Hasn’t he been helping you with your work?”
“Yep.”
She has no clue.
Akira smiled, letting out a sigh as they pulled over to the sidewalk. Lucas barely noticed that they were already at his house. He looked out the window and studied his surrounding; he lived in a neighborhood quite similar to Ariana’s whereas it was quite shabby and low-quality. Nonetheless, it seemed he had a two story home and he could tell it was Nathan’s considering the boy was waving rapidly from the porch. He expected Nathan to come from a neighborhood similar to his own, but he pushed the thought aside; it shouldn’t matter. He was still an asshole.
He took in a deep breath as he opened the door, accepting a kiss on the forehead from his mother before stepping out and shutting it. He had to only last four hours. Only four hours.
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“Alexander is here!!” Nathan shouted as the two of them stepped into the door, being greeted by a decent crowd of kids, both girls and boys standing around, chatting loudly as music blared through the room. Instantly, Lucas wanted to dart away and never return, but he simply took in a deep breath and looked to the ground.
He could feel everyone's eyes sink into him as they realized who had stepped into the door.
“Oh, shit, you actually got him to come?”
“Lucas actually came to a party? Nice going, Nate!”
Everyone waved to him before returning to his conversations, only a few kids bothering to give him an extra glance or two or whisper about who he was beneath the music.
It kinda freaked Lucas out. He was full on expecting the kids to round up on him and attack him and point at him and call him every name under the sun.
But nothing happened.
“I told you they’d leave you alone. Come on! There’s a lot of pizza in the kitchen.” Nathan shoved Lucas through the small crowds, occasionally shouting out to his friends before they finally reached the tiny kitchen. Lucas took note of how small the house was from the inside compared from the outside, allowing it to relax him.
Once they reached the kitchen, he spotted Elijah and Jacob relaxing on the counter, holding cups of soda before they looked to him. Elijah was a lanky, mixed kid who had painfully greasy brown hair while Jacob was shorter than anyone in the room and had a blonde undercut. Lucas grimaced at their presence, wanting to leave the room. They clearly weren’t fond of the fact he was here. They smirked and looked to one another.
“Eli, did you guys eat all of the pepperoni pizza?” Nathan asked, opening the several boxes of pizza that sat on the table. “It’s the only type Lucas eats.”
“Huh, Jake took the last piece before he got here. Sorry.”
“What’s wrong him just eating sausage? I thought he’d like it better.”
Lucas looked at the two boys who were holding in snickers.
“Hah. Hahaha. You think I like sausage because I’m gay, right?”
Elijah glanced at Jacob before looking back at him. “Yeah, that’s the joke. Dumbass.”
Nathan elbowed him before finding a slice of plain cheese and shoving it into his hands. Lucas stared at it and shrugged, taking a bite as Nathan poured him a cup of soda, smiling unnecessarily hard.
“So, Lucas. Do you even play video games or do you just like, draw all day?”
“...I own a Ps2, an Xbox, a Gamecube and some more Nintendo systems. So, sure. I play video games.”
“Do you have Grand Theft Auto?”
“Obviously.”
Jacob and Elijah looked to one for a second.
“You’re bullshitting, right?”
“No.”
“Can we borrow your copy?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I rubbed my faggot-ness all over it. It’s mine.”
“Man, you fuckin’ suck.” Jake hopped down, rolling his eyes as Eli joined him, the two of them bumping into Lucas before heading back into the living room. Lucas simply shrugged, taking a hefty bite from the slice of pizza before Nathan approached him with the cup of soda.
“Sorry about them. I asked them to leave you alone but they won’t listen to me.”
“It’s not bothering me, honestly. But thanks.” He took the soda and chugged it, stifling a burp as he lowered the cup to meet the eyes of Nathan who still watched him.
“What?”
“Nothing. Do you want to play Mortal Kombat? We’re kinda doing a tournament in the back.”
“So I can kick all of your asses in it?”
“Well, sure, but I’m pretty good at it, so you’ve got to prove yourself.” He attempted to wink but failed miserably considering both of his eyes closed at the same time. Lucas could only cringe at the boy’s attempt.
“That’s not how you wink.”
“...Did both of my eyes close?”
“Yeah. You looked stupid as hell.”
Nathan looked away before shoving Lucas off into the back of the house, shushing his insults with more of his own.
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“I told you I’d kick all of your asses.” Lucas dropped the remote, letting out a sigh of relief as everyone around him shouted as he managed another fatality.
“How the fuck are you doing that?” Nathan gaped, shoving him slightly.
Lucas snorted and shrugged as a few kids theorized that he’d been cheating the entire time, which obviously wasn’t the case. He was genuinely having a decent time for once, which wasn’t really hard to do since the party had everything he enjoyed at home (minus Jake’s and Eli’s gritty insults and remarks). His video gaming skills seemed to impress majority of his classmates who thought he was just a creep, so it felt pretty good to get their approval for the first time, ever.
After Lucas was crowned champion of the tournament, everyone relaxed and headed into the living room while the majority of the kids were picked up to go home,since the hour had grown late. The remainder of the party was planned for mostly Nathan’s closest friends and apparently Lucas was on the list of the five special friends.
Everyone plopped down on the couch as Nathan mischievously slipped in his father’s “secret tapes” before scooting himself in between Lucas and Connor, who was another one his close classmates/bully of Lucas’s. The fact he was sitting around a bunch of kids, who constantly bugged him for his mannerisms, watching porn as if it was nothing felt like a complete fever dream. He really didn’t understand the point of it but it seemed like the small group of boys did this often considering they pointed out scenes and made fun of them. It was only about 10 minutes into the film before Nathan vanished off up the stairs, claiming he had to grab something.
“He’s been up there a while.” Lucas mumbled to Eli who had glanced over at him. “Is he alright?”
“Yeah. He does that every time and comes back after it’s over.”
“He’s so fucking weak. He doesn’t even hide the fact he can’t watch all of it without having to jack off.”
Lucas snorted, hearing Nathan’s posse call him out like that. Maybe he was serious when he meant that everyone simply picked fun at each other and never meant it harshly.
But it didn’t excuse all the bruises they inflicted and the slurs they threw at him in the past years. They were still assholes and told everyone at school all the things he wanted to hide.
Lucas tried to focus back on the film but it wasn’t very entertaining and made him foggy in the head. The longer he sat through it, the more uncomfortable and grimy he became as the sounds reminded him of what happened months ago. His senses suddenly flooded without warning, causing him to grow weary and sick.
“I gotta use the bathroom. I’ll be back.” Lucas stood up, leaving the kids on the couch as he scaled the stairs quickly, feeling himself become woozy and teary eyed. It sucked that the only bathroom was upstairs of Nate’s house, but with how small it was, it didn’t surprise him since Ari’s was quite similar. The second he reached the top step, he rushed into the bathroom and shut the door, allowing himself to breathe and regain himself.
I could always go home now. It wouldn’t matter.
He turned on the sink to cold and ran his hands underneath before wiping his face down, settling his breathing in attempt to snap him back. His brain felt incredibly fuzzy, but he usually got himself out of it when he’d do this at school or at home. He looked up to face himself in the mirror temporarily, brushing back his curls from his face before heading out the bathroom door.
“Lucas?”
He blinked, turning his head in the direction his name was called. From down the short hallway, Nathan had his head poked out from what seemed his bedroom. Squinting, he waved.
“Come here.”
“Why?”
“...I don’t know. Just come here.”
Lucas sighed, heading off into the boy’s room, shoving his hands in his pockets. He certainly had a bad feeling about this.
When he stepped in, he instantly took note of the various cartoon and superhero posters plastered against his wall and the books scattered along the floor. Snorting, he pointed to one of them.
“You actually read Harry Potter?”
Nathan blinked and picked the novel up, nodding sheepishly. “It’s not that bad.”
“Were you up here reading it the entire time?”
“...Does it matter?”
“No, not to me. But everyone downstairs has been talking shit about you.”
Nathan frowned, staring off at the ceiling as he threw the book onto his bed. “I know, they always do that. I didn’t want to watch the movie again since I’ve seen it like 30 times already.”
“It’s really lame, like super lame.”
“Yeah, I know. Eli always forces me to turn it on though since he doesn’t have any at home.”
“And you guys call me the loser.”
Nathan chuckled, leaning against his bed. “I don’t really mean it. You’re cooler than everyone else.”
Lucas looked at Nathan, frowning. “Oh, fuck off.”
“What?”
“You’re only saying that to make fun of me if I get excited about you saying it. I’m not stupid. You guys always do that shit where you get me to do something and then make fun of it.”
Nathan winced. “Eli and Jake do that, not me.”
“When we do homework, you do it.”
“It wasn’t meant to really get under your skin.”
“Well it did. So fuck you.” Lucas hated that the actually admitted it, but he couldn’t help himself. It’d been getting to him for a long time now. He had to hold himself from bursting into tears in front of Nathan multiple times during their studying sessions due to his nagging and bullying. They would always insult each other ruthlessly, but Nathan would hold nothing back when it came to bringing up how he’d been taken by Cheren.
Nathan went silent, staring off into the distance.
“I-I’m sorry. I wasn’t meaning to actually...hurt you with it. I thought it’d be easier...to like, joke about what happened so you wouldn’t be upset when you thought about it.”
“It’s not really funny when it’s coming from the person who made fun of it before it even happened. You literally bug me to explain how to suck dick. It’s fucking weird.”
Nathan face flushed, avoiding Lucas’s eye contact.
...Oh.
“Wait, Nathan, are you gay?”
The ginger-headed boy’s eyes widened as his face grew as red as his hair. He made a weird face, almost a mixture of a frown and a smile, almost as if he were constipated.
“...I think so? Don’t tell anyone! Please.” Nathan stammered, raising his hands to Lucas as if he were going to grab him. “I c-can’t have anyone else finding out, or I’ll really get in trouble and Eli and Jake will really call me out. I’m only telling you since….well, you’re the same way and you don’t care what people think.”
“I still like girls.”
“...Oh. That’s...possible?”
“Uh, I’m pretty sure. I’ve had sex with girls.”
“...You’re kidding, right?”
“No.” He had done a lot at Cheren’s house. “I mean, I still like boys, but I also like girls. It’s weird. I won’t tell anyone about this as long as you stop messing with me.”
Nathan blushed. “I told you I never messed with you to actually like, hurt you. I was just messing around.”
“Yeah, stop messing around with me or I’ll beat your ass. I was only holding off since I thought your family was rich and would sue my mom if I killed you.”
“Jeez, man.”
“I’m gonna go eat the rest of the pizza and go home. I’m kinda tired.”
“Wait, Lucas.”
“What?”
Nathan grabbed Lucas’ arm, causing him to flinch as he tugged him toward the closet. He pushed him in, closing the doors behind them. Lucas held his breath, feeling himself beginning to panic. The ginger-headed boy turned to face him, his face as red as his hair, trembling.
“Can you kiss me?”
“No.”
“...Am I not cute enough?”
“N-No, it’s nothing to do with that. I just can’t. I can’t. I’m sorry. This is weird.”
He could feel his stomach tightening and his head growing fuzzy again.
I need to get out of here.
“I-I’m not going to hurt you. Everyone is downstairs. Lucas please. I’m sorry for hurting you all the other times, but I’m being serious. I-I’m not going to be able to do this ever again. My mom is already saying how she’s excited for me to get a girlfriend but I...I don’t even like any girls. Like she wants me to get married and have a family but I...I can’t feel anything for girls. It’s....”
Lucas shook his head, letting out a deep breath. Nathan grimaced and placed his hands on Lucas’s shoulders, hesitating considering Lucas was sinking himself further into the corner of the crowded closet.
“A-Are you really that scared?”
Lucas nodded frantically, squinting at Nathan. He could feel himself physically sweating at this point and there was nothing he could do to hide it.
It was clear that Nathan was being serious with how desperate the boy begged him, seeing his eyes glaze over with tears as he tried to hold them in, but Lucas couldn’t bring himself to move, even in agreement with the tiny part of him that wished to give Nathan what he wanted.
The part of him yearning for affection surged violently at the offer, but he tried to compress it. He hated it. He hated it so much. It had gotten him in so much trouble before. It was what ruined him in the first place. He shut his eyes tightly, feeling his face grow hotter by the second, his skin rippling at feeling of Nathan’s palms sliding down his shoulders.
He missed this feeling.
Nathan stared at him before dropping his hands, letting out a heavy sigh.
“Shit, I’m sorry dude. This is really embarrassing. I-I’ll go get the ph-”
Fuck it.
He’d regret this, but he could give less of a shit right now with how he was feeling.
Lucas leaned into Nathan, pressing his hands onto his face as he kissed him. It took Nathan a moment to register what had happened before slowly placing his hand onto Lucas’s back to return it. The two held onto each other for a good amount of time before Lucas broke it, sighing heavily as he pulled away.
“Was that enough?”
Nathan stared at him, his eyes twinkling before he averted them.
“It...felt really good.”
“...” Lucas stared at the ceiling of the closet before nodding, his back drenched in sweat. It was a terrible idea to wear his hoodie. “I’m gonna go call my mom now.”
“Okay.”
Lucas opened the door and stepped out, exhaling heavily as he stepped out. Nathan followed him, glancing around to make sure no one had come up the stairs.
“L-Lucas?”
Lucas looked over his shoulder, his face still flushed.
“What?”
“Thanks.”
Lucas grinned goofily at him. “Sure thing, faggot.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
“...You’ve been really quiet hun. Was the party fun?”
Lucas glanced from staring out the window and nodded.
“I beat everyone in Mortal Kombat.”
“Oh, that must’ve been neat! Did everything else go okay?”
“Yep.”
“Well, I’m glad you were able to have a bit of fun! If you ever want to go back to Nathan’s house, you can just let me know, okay?”
“No thanks. It was nice to just go over there once.”
“...You know, friends spend more than one day at each other’s houses.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“...Aren’t you and Nate friends?”
Lucas squinted, a weak grin slipping onto his face. He wasn’t really sure if he could call it being friends, but it was something along the lines of so.
“Sure.”
Akira sighed as they pulled into the driveway, unbuckling her seatbelt as she turned off the car.
“Well, maybe you’ll hang out again with one another. Never hurts to let a friendship come slowly. Come on, your dad left some popcorn for you.”
Lucas followed his mother into the house, waddling awkwardly. He definitely needed a shower after that.