2.12.2025 -
shits hysterical. so, a lot of my focus is just going to go into art, coding and so on. if theres any future for me, art and my ability to create is in it. it can never be taken from me, and i understand it more than anything in this world

1.27.2025 - fog lifted for the most part (yay). yay for cycles /s however...new routine: log the FUCK OUT!!!! its what screws me over. even if all i use is 2 gallery sites and youtube. also gonna go sober for a bit, we're becoming too powerful lmfao. classes are fine, i just get mad because im struggling with doing hw (sitting down and doing it. it enrages me). site is priority when posting art, minus commissions. doing more private journaling for our wellbeing. we'd like to stay in good spirits. i sincerely love art. i have a new sona and studying again. its trigger managment and honoring the self

1.18.25 - im back on prozac, mixed feelings as it zombifies me, but it lessened self harm in the past. anxiety is leveling out, i cant hear the evil voices but the dissociation is Intense. its rough. otherwise first week of classes went alright. ASL class is REALLy nice, i love it. therapy is pretty rough rn, its just so many wounds being picked at and it hurts alot. looking back is like naseuating as we work through it without rose colored lens. i pray to god i find my way to a day i exist without any kind of supression and to feel like the world is real again

1.7.2025 - classes start the 13th though and my schedule should make for a good way to wrap up this college stuff! alot of my art hyperfocus & inertia hit a bump, spun out and blew up so ill probably be back at coding to keep me busy and out of trouble. the lack of hyperfocus lets the mental issues eat at me more than they do when im focused, so ive gotta just keep find other ways to weather the storms as they come through until my art anchor is back. just gotta tango with the sickness. we've done this dance before.

12.25.2024 - im doing a fuckton of art studies to try to hone some unworked muscles & building up site assets. picking myself up from alot of dust and mud that 2024 caked onto me tbh. mental health has been SHIT! too much clarity at once. ive been nonstop restless and feeling like i need to prepare to go to work or school when....i dont need to do either LOL. feels weird to be unemployed though and what a shit way to go out (quitting bc social situation & mental health). i got davinci resolve and playing around w it. another goal is to brush off the dust from blender bc i got 2 gifts and a commission to do!