my ideal life

💬 this is the life and home i work toward ⚠️ CW:

this is the life and home i work toward. i dont want much. i think i just really look forward to having my big wings out and taking up space in a way?

• enough money to keep bills paid and treat self to supplies for hobbies
• have enough time and energy to draw/craft/hobby even if working (part-time? wfh?)
• have a job where i can be me¹. short sessions of helping others, clear expectations and safety to work at my ability n not have to hide it. others respect of the fact that i'm introverted. healthy challenges to overcome. some support i can trust.
• able to cook meals i crave and have access to veggies and fruits
• able to lay in the sun
• trust others to see me at my worst and still be kind
• able to go places (store, park, cafes) either via transit or my own methods
• dress up very colorful and expressive even if i just go to the store
• able to be immersed in crowds and community events/help
• have a space do do quads or wear my gear without any funny looks
• able to organize and label things all i want in my home
• stim in my home freely
• display my plushies and toys in the houses and stuff i make for them
• able to use an aac or communcation cards
• lessen shame and embarrassment about some of my struggles

¹ i'd love to be able to confidently be a professional in professional settings and be very childish and vulnerable in my personal life. its always been dangerous (in my perception) to be that way though. in most professional settings i've had to fawn to not be a target, while in my personal life i'm kinda forced to act tougher and hardier than id like to as we are convinced we can only protect ourselves and don't see good intentions of others / wont be looked out for. my ideal life i'm able to be serious at work and its fine and does not cause a lot of issues, and outside of work i'm able to be a playful bundle of silliness and not try to be tough and those around me trust me, accept me and i don't have to over defend myself from them viewing my childish nature as naivety and accessibility