here are some of my uuuh, beliefs? whatever the fuck. they're like not to be argued with because i dont expect anyone to believe it or think it makes sense. not the reason why i believe in it. they coexist with the reality
dream connection
we grew up and spent a lot of middle - high school fascinated by lucid dreaming since we were a very dedicated daydreamer & make up scenarios with toys kinda kid who was plagued with intrusive thoughts of harm. lucid dreaming became significantly more easy when i was first ever medicated, meaning instead of broken panicked sleep, i was now sedated enough to have sustained dreams where i was in control or flying/leaping across terrains or through the various transit systems that plague the realms. from these dreams, i used to have intrusive dream memories constantly, and still do. there are many dreams i have had and feel like a genuine memory and i in fact consider some real despite going off mechanics of something that could not happen in this world, at least not this particular one. that all my dreams, especially those of my dreams with reoccurring settings are as real as the life i walk. its just in a different universe happening at the same time. and the intense memories of them in waking day is temporary blips in the universe when we make the same move. becoming aware in a dream is temporarily letting them take a break from their experience and sort of help out? its similar to our plural experience, but its not really plurality. dream mes are from other universes
i may never die
tw: suicide, harm ocd
i think it was about late 2019 when i watched a video on quantum suicide & immortality and it kinda clicked weird with me and kinda recontextualized my grasp on my relationship with my nightmares and harm ocd. dreaming, especially dreams where i died or was horrifically tortured, were real but just happened in a different timeline and thats what led me to this one. either i temporarily switched places with them or the dream universe ceased to exist due to that dream self's death. with my harm ocd and persistent suicidal ideation, it often feels like what i imagine in fact happens, but just not in this timeline as that one has ceased and i was placed here. and everytime i have thoughts of getting hit by cars, technically i do die and just am sent to the next timeline where im still alive.weather connection
part of this comes from being a pokekin fuck, and just well. (finger swirls near head) but alot of my intense emotional breakdowns or personal breakthroughs tend to correlate with intense weather systems developing. as the atmosphere reaches a boiling point, sometimes i do too. the catharsis doesn't always hit alongside the storm, but sometimes i do worry my own dysregulation leads to nasty storm development. again, its a pokekin thing
moon connection
ariana wrote on this particular point in her dialogue of being a werewolf (so this is written in that context by her) but we are a werewolf that doesn't have a very accurate sync with the moon, which manifests in this human body as pmdd and pme. pmdd comes from the body's sensitivity to the fluctuation of our reproductive system's hormones, causing an uptick in irritability and explosive emotions, behaviors and sensitivity to everything while exacerbating our other conditions. really bad pmdd weeks tend to resolve with bleeding on the full moon, which ive comes to process that this kind of sync means our lunar energy is at capacity and was essentially overheating our brain. getting a period on no moon day leading with an extremely painful period due to the lack of energy. in the context of our other kins, the point still kinda stands despite not necessarily a clear connection to moon energy past bleeding on the same day of the full moon is essentially an energy overflow. misfiring from too much lunar energy. shutting down without lunar boost.
medicine cat connection
i have historically identified with medicine cats of the warrior cat series, the most notable ones being goosefeather and frostdawn. this relationship/connection is better explored in my story, wrenpaw's faith.